Weekend Update

Yes, I realize it's Tuesday, but, hey, what are ya gonna do? :)

The weekend was actually pretty good, overall. I did have a 'moment' (that's what Jarrod and I have been calling my 'sad times'). I have a hard time holding myslef together when I have to be alone for many hours at a time. Which, thankfully, is rare. When I am alone and idle, my mind wanders. On Saturday, Colt went down for a nap and I decided to watch the movie, The Notebook. (Big mistake, it's very sad at the end, But it's not about babies, so I thought I would be okay... WRONG!) Colt woke up before the movie was over and was being very cuddly, so he was sitting with me on my lap with his head on my shoulder. I began to tear up a little bit, at the sad part (you know, when she 'comes back' to him at the end, don't act like you don't tear up too! Come on!) and I kinda turned my head quickly to look at Colt for some reason. Well, he started with this belly laugh. He looked back at me and smiled with that big green paci in his mouth and just laughed hard! (In hind sight it was the cutest thing!). Then I looked back at the TV and then turned fast toward him again, and he belly laughed again, through that silly paci. :) It really was TOO CUTE!

That's when I started thinking.... I'm never going to see Colt's brother or sister laugh through his/her paci like that. I'm never going to see a toothless smile turn into a toothful smile where the teeth kinda turn up a little bit to make room for the paci (I know teeth people, I know it's bad for his paci to be effecting the way his teeth sit, I'll invest in braces, okay?). I just started to get really sad. That stinks. I really hate thinking about all the things I'm going to miss.

So... I thought about my team. I knew it was time to call on them! I needed a babysitter...... for me.

For those of you who don't know, I have built myself a "team." In the early days there were few people that supported us 100%. (And please don't take this opportunity to criticize those people. They think what they think, and that's fine. I would rather them be honest with me, than make something up just to help me feel better. I try to be real with people & I want them to be real with me. Don't be all mad because not every single person supported me, I'm not.) I know that people love us and that they care about us and pray for us, but I just didn't feel supported from everyone. (And in those days that was VERY important, because we had a huge decision on our plates) And I know that everyone has their own opinions about what they THINK they would do. But I had my own opinions about what I thought I would do, too, and that all changed the moment the term "anencephaly" became a part of my daily vocabulary. SO.... I decided that I needed to surround myself with people that I knew loved us, supported us, and would back us, on ANY decision we made, and I created for myself "a team." My team has somewhat grown now that we've made the decision that everyone thought we should've made and that everyone thought they would've made, but there are still those eight people that I turn to when I'm really down. And don't get me wrong... I'm THANKFUL that we made the decision that we did, especially now that I'm feeling movement and things, it's all that much more precious! But those eight people were there for me totally and completely from the beginning, and I know that I can trust them, all eight of them, with my whole, complete heart. Every sadness, every anger, every bittersweet moment, I know that they will lift me up when I don't feel like I can. I know that because they already did, each in their own individual way!  (Sorry... all that was a little side note. The reason for the side note is to maybe help someone else that might have to go through this same thing one day... Surround yourself with people you love and trust and support you. Tell them, "you're on my team" ... tell them, "it's your job to check on me if you think I'm being too quiet, or having a tough time. It's your job to distribute information to church or other social circles, if I can't" It has helped me TREMENDOUSLY!!!)

Anyways.... Sorry... lol

Saturday I called my wonderful sister Kelly. It was her turn. :) And bless her heart, she dropped everything she was doing to meet me at Skyline for lunch! (I pray she gets a huge blessing for that someday!) I knew I needed to find someone to be with so that I didn't have to be alone anymore. I'm so thankful that I have people that will do that for me! And I know that there are many more than eight! :) It makes me want to have more compassion towards people myself, because I don't know that I've ever been able to do that for anyone before.

That was the only time during my weekend that I had 'a moment', although Sunday morning I got close. Sharon sang a song (songs get me, have you noticed? lol) that talked about God being Holy, Magnificent, & Wonderful. I thought to myself while I was fighting off the tears, "That is so true! He is Magnificent & Wonderful, even somehow in the midst of anencephaly... Crazy, huh?"



Thank you for all of your prayers & thoughts, cards & facebook messages. They have all meant so very much! I love you all and I pray that God will work through this situation to bring me, and hopefully others, closer to Him in some way! To Him be ALL the glory!!!!

LOVE YOU ALL!!!!