The beginning of my blogging journey.

Well, if you are reading this, I hope that you are well, happy, and healthy! I am starting this blog as a sort of online diary for myself and others that may have to travel down the 'not-very-well-known' path of anencephaly. I am not a woman of fancy words or lingo, nor am I an accomplished author. This is just me, in my own words, in my own way. Take it or leave it, but hopefully take it. :)

We first learned of the term Anencephaly about two weeks ago (two weeks ago yesterday actually). Talk about heart-shattering! I was going in for a normal ultrasound, and all was normal until the tech told us that she was going to talk to the doctor because he would have some concerns. That's when I knew this pregnancy (unlike my first) was going to be everything but normal and boring.

My first pregnancy with my son, Colt, was BORRRING!! What I wouldn't give to have that again! We went for all of our normal doctors appointments, did all the normal tests, opted out for anything additional, had a normal vaginal delivery with an epidural, and everything was GREAT! I loved every second of that, except maybe the heartburn. :) I just wanted this one to be exactly the same... Well, it wasn't meant to be.

After the tech went to get the doctor, he came in and began to explain to us what was wrong. I was devastated, as was my husband. We were looking forward to having two kids (hopefully boys) being so close in age, since Colt is only 13 months right now, but that was not meant to be either.  We then proceeded to see the genetic counselor, who pretty much restated exactly what the doctor had said. She gave us a book that would help us with the decision we were going to have to make: Carry to term? or Interrupt the Pregnancy? What a horrible 'decision' for a father and mother to have to make about their precious baby, but we had to do it.

We thought the doctor told us during the ultrasound that it could be more dangerous for me to carry this baby, so we were really contemplating all of our options, as neither of us were willing to risk my life. (If you are agnozing over your decision right now, please email me, I know how you feel!) We found out about the condition on Tuesday, and we didn't have an appointment to meet with our doctor until Monday. That week was the most agonizing week of waiting ever!

Finally Monday rolled around and we got to speak to our favorite doctor. (I go to a clinic, so I usually don't see the same doctor twice, but they made an exception for me this time) She was so kind and considerate and she was very straight-forward with her answers to our questions. I love her! I am so sad that she will be finishing her residency before my due date! But with her help, guidance, and knowledge, we decided we would carry our baby for as long as possible. The main reason for this was not for myself, or my own desires to hold my baby (although I am thrilled that that will be a by-product!), but we really want to be able to donate this baby's organs to a baby in need. I know that donation of anencephalic organs is rare, but I also know that it has been done. This is hope enough for me that we can do it too!

It is now a week later and I have gone through some ups and downs along this journey (today I am currently in a valley, which is why I think I decided to start this blog). I have had people say things to me, with the best intentions at heart, that have simply cut me to the core, and I have had people be more encouraging without saying a thing but just giving me a hug. I have had people accuse me of seeking attention throughout this whole thing (true story), and I have had people support me and lift me up when I thought that I could not go on any more. It is awkward being on this side of grief. People don't really know what to say to you, and you don't really know what to say to them. But it's okay, that's how things happen sometimes.

I hope that this blog, as a whole, will be an uplifting and encouraging place for me to tell my story. (I have an actual journal too where I will try to keep my frustrations so that I don't have to blurt them out here to the whole world, lol) I hope that while I am lifted up by getting my story out there, you will be lifted up by hearing it. If you have any questions about our journey, or about anencephaly, I would be more than happy to tell you everything that I know. For me, talking about it is very cathartic. I love it. I would much rather talk about it to a complete stranger, than to sit there and pretend that I'm getting a big belly and my baby is perfectly normal. Might sound weird, but that wouldn't be the first time someone thought that about me. :) Email me anytime! Jennymcginnis31@gmail.com